mwplanet:

by Inggrid Wibowo

Scientific (Not Really) Fact: When you think somebody’s giving you cut-eye, half of the time they’re really just thinking. Or squinting. Or internally debating the literary intricacies of George Orwell’s ‘1984’.

Taylor Swift, golden-haired chanteuse and perhaps the sweetest of America’s exponentially growing line of Sweethearts, needs no introduction (or at least I hope not, because I haven’t written one). Swift is really good at being a pop star; her songs will have you humming along to lyrics you would have scrawled in the margins of your high school diaries. Her 2009 hit single, ‘You Belong With Me’, was certainly no exception.

Here’s the thing about high school diaries, though: despite our best efforts, they’re almost guaranteed to be, in perspective, shallow, embarrassing and riddled with petty insecurities. This is exactly what I think of ‘You Belong With Me’; thematically, it has a lot in common with the LiveJournal posts I wrote in ninth grade, in which I slathered myself with self-pity and extensively quoted Simple Plan lyrics (“NO YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIIIIIIKE WHEN NOTHING FEELS ALRIIIIIGHT / YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIIIIIIIKE TO FEEL LIKE MEEEEEE”).

The music video for ‘You Belong With Me’ was released to an almost universal chorus of ‘aww’s. It borrows a plotline that’s been recycled and reused countless times in pop culture: Taylor Swift plays the Girl-Next-Door (has a heart as golden as her hair; often labeled ‘adorkable’ but boys would never actually date her because ew, she wears glasses; most recently reincarnated as Zooey Deschanel’s character in FOX sitcom ‘New Girl’) who pines hopelessly after a Handsome Love Interest on the football team (nobody really knows much about this dude except he is handsome and on the football team, and is therefore a mortal equivalent to Adonis) who, unfortunately, is dating the Queen Bee. The Queen Bee is also played by Taylor Swift, but in a dark wig and skimpy outfits to drive home the point that she is Mean. Eventually, the Girl-Next-Door loses her glasses and puts on a nice (but totally modest! No midriff-bearing here, no siree) dress. Coincidentally, around this same time, the Handsome Love Interest regains his senses, promptly cutting off all ties with the Queen Bee. That’s okay, though, because she was created by Russian scientists to infiltrate our great nation and ruin your feelings, thus she is totally incapable of emotion! Or so we delude ourselves into thinking.

Everyone who’s pined after someone in a relationship can relate to Taylor, and maybe that’s why so many are rushing to defend her. We’d all like to believe that the Queen or King Bee is the Worst Person Ever, but of course, the truth is that she or he is probably a good human being who donates to charity and puts out recycling bins on the appropriate days. In an attempt to humanize the Queen Bee, let’s start by giving her a name. As the apparent antithesis to Taylor Swift’s Girl-Next-Door, Saylor Twift seems to be appropriate. Taylor’s adorable, but here’s why Saylor is just as awesome.

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1. She isn’t afraid to make her opinion known

“You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she’s upset / She’s going off about something that you said / ‘Cause she doesn’t get your humour like I do”

I never really understood why so many people treated this as if it was fair criticism. Oh, no! She dares to express anything other than complete love and adoration towards her boyfriend for something that was never explicitly revealed? Begone, foul heathen, begone!

What if the reason for their argument was something like this?

Hunk: I think Nickelback is the shining crown of the Canadian music industry.
Saylor: Wow, really?
Hunk: Sigh. I’m so TIRED OF DRAMA.  

Or this:

Hunk: You know what would make this logo better? Papyrus.
Saylor: Wow, really?
Hunk: Sigh. I’m so TIRED OF DRAMA.  

Or this:

Hunk: When I turn 18, I’m going to vote Conservative.
Saylor: Wow, really?
Hunk: Sigh. I’m so TIRED OF DRAMA. 

Or this:

Hunk: Hey, how are you?
Saylor: I’m good. Thanks for calling, Hunk!
Hunk: Remember that scene in ‘Lion King’ when Scar killed Mufasa?
Saylor: Wow, now I’m sad. 
Hunk: Sigh. I’m so TIRED OF DRAMA.  

Or even this:

Hunk: Haha, AIDS.
Saylor: Oh my god, what? Why would you laugh at that? What would even compel you to—
Hunk: Sigh. I’m so TIRED OF DRAMA. 

Couples are allowed to have disagreements, and no one should construe this as a valid excuse to make assumptions of the relationship. This guy could’ve been an absolute jerk to Saylor, but of course we don’t consider that because this guy is also a Hunk. Meanwhile, Taylor is dancing in her room to a catchy country-pop beat and being, like, a human kitten. 

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2. She wears what she wants and doesn’t care what you think

“But she wears short skirts / I wear t-shirts / She’s cheer captain / And I’m on the bleachers”

When I see Taylor dancing around in her room and using her hairbrush as a prop microphone, hair askew, DIY t-shirt on, I think: what a free spirit. What a cool girl. In contrast, Saylor, who dresses in the style of Tommy Hilfiger lookbooks, who wears makeup and short skirts, must be conforming to society’s standards. She’s sold herself out through her conventional outfits! She must be wearing skirts to attract attention (interestingly, people who assume this of others are probably the ones who tend to do it the most)!  Whether she does or doesn’t, why does it matter? Is a girl’s worth based entirely on her outfit or what it implies about her? 

If Saylor isn’t in a committed, monogamous relationship (and she definitely isn’t by the end of ‘You Belong With Me’), then her sexuality is nobody’s business but her own. This isn’t the 1940s anymore; as a gender, women have supposedly advanced. Still, we hold on to the ancient notion that a woman’s worth has everything to do with her sexuality; everything else is just extra baggage. This way of thinking is sad. It’s shameful. It’s outdated. It’s the driving force behind things like rape culture and mean messages on Formspring and we should all let it go as easily as we let Formspring go (seriously, is anyone still using that website?)

Also, this belittling of cheerleaders thing needs to stop. Cheerleading is hard work; captaining a cheerleading squad even more so. I know this because at 17, I’ve yet to learn how to do a cartwheel, much less any of these stunts. Let’s all just hug and promise not to to trivialize things out of one’s own swollen sense of self-pity. Deal?

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3. She could probably join Taylor’s book club

If Taylor got over herself, she and Saylor would probably make good friends. Mistaken Belief of Cut-Eye Occurrence is how most Secretly Vengeful Relationships come about. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard my friends declare somebody an enemy just because he or she thought that person was looking at them the wrong way. Maybe Saylor was just checking out the stack of books Taylor was reading and seeing if they had any favourite authors in common. Maybe she thought Taylor’s glasses were cute, and was wondering where she got them (spoiler alert: Urban Outfitters). Maybe that’s just how she looks at other human beings, and she was just born with it. Maybe it’s Maybelline.

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Last year, I was the WACT/Lifestyles Editor for the Mary Ward Planet. I was tasked with editing an article that sang Taylor Swift’s praises. When bemoaning a failed romance, forget Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul, forget your friends, forget your mothers; listen to dear old T-Swift and instantly feel rejuvenated. Taylor Swift speaks to teenage girls, the article claimed. For the sake of teenage girls everywhere, I really hope not.

In ‘You Belong With Me’, Saylor is merely a hurdle Taylor has to jump over to reach her soulmate. She’s presented as a bad person because she’s on the cheerleading squad and wears short skirts. Seriously? Boy-crazy, girl-bashing people rank among my least favourite individuals, right above People who Don’t Fix the Toothpaste Cap Back on After Use. They’re too insecure to deal with themselves, much less act as the know-all to teenage girls. So forget Taylor; I’d rather befriend Saylor.